I have spent a great deal of time this last week thinking about and remembering one of our beautiful children. I just wanted to write down some of my feelings.

This year January 9 and 10 2009 marks the tenth anniversary of our beautiful Madisen Lethie Smithson's life on earth. She only lived a few hours, but the time she spent will forever be embedded into our life. She not only touched our lives but many others as well. She was 9 lbs 15 oz. She has dark brown hair and brown eyes. Her left ear curled forward and was just so cute. She was so warm and smelled so good when we held her. She spent her life in the ICU at St. Josephs Medical center in Phoenix Az. She was however with many family and friends during that time. There were 19 family members that were able to be there in the ICU as she was given a name and a blessing by her father. It was an awesome experience. We were truly blessed because the hospital usually doesn’t let more that two family members in at a time. Many people were there as we held her in our arms while she slipped quietly away back to her Heavenly Father. It was a remarkable experience to hold her and know that the veil was so thin. It was almost as if we just handed her back to her Heavenly Father. I know that she was received into loving arms. She was only ours for a time and that time just happened to be very short. I will never forget the special feelings that came to us as we shared that time with her. I know that our children were very young at the time, but they will always feel that spirit that she brought to them. The time following her death was so hard and so wonderful. Everything fell into place as if angels were helping us and carrying us through. Every fear was dissolved as the spirit fell upon us and we were able to take part in the few things that we as her parents could do for her in this mortal state. It was all a great blessing and as I think back on the times that we shared with her, the things that we were able to do for her, I am so grateful to our Heavenly Father for giving us those memories. During the hard times that is what carries me through, that is what helps me to remember where she is and that we as mortals are the only ones that suffer and in time we too will be able to feel her joy and know her as Heavenly Father knows her. I am grateful for the plan of Salvation and the knowledge that I will know her again someday and I will have the chance to raise her and be her mother on a higher level. I know that if we as parents are worthy we will be with her again someday.

There are so many things that are in my mind to say and yet I have a very difficult time expressing them. This year has been particularly tough on me, I guess because it is number 10 I’m not sure, but I really do miss her very much. As a family we have the great opportunity to talk of her and remember her many times through the years, but on her birthday we celebrate her. We actually have a birthday party of sorts and it is so awesome. Friday was her birthday and we had a family day. We went to lunch and to the movies. We also went to Michaels to have one of her pictures repaired. My goal at one point was to have her scrapbook done by year 10 but I failed to complete that. My heart if full of love and admiration for her life and how even though she is not here she is one of our family. She is talked about, we visit her at the cemetery, we have her picture on the wall and we are able to continually have her in our life. She is only gone for a time. I am so grateful to be her mother and to have shared with her the special 9 months that we had. It wasn’t long enough, but I know she is in a better place. I remember when we named her. It was one night after we had received news that she may have downs syndrome. Troy and I agreed that her name would be Madisen and for the next 4 and a half months that is what we called her. We (mostly I) talked to her often and I am truly grateful that I did. I know that this has been one of my greatest trials and I have been blessed by it. It will always be hard, but it has made us all stronger and made me a better person. I am truly grateful for her life and what she has given me and for the part she plays in our family.

Happy Birthday Madisen, We love you!